Is there a problem with pleasuring yourself?

    Is there a problem with pleasuring yourself? This is a complex question. The easy answer is everyone’s libido is different. The problem is that most don’t look to the easy, rather try to complicate it.

    In the majority of the cases that is the woman in the equation, feeling rejected that her man masturbates. Ladies, here’s some food for thought: most men masturbate, single or in a relationship, straight or gay.

    Many times in a relationship the libido starts high for both because it’s new, but then tapers off to whatever normal is for the both.

    Pleasuring one’s self is not a problem…unless it is being done in inappropriate places or for the wrong – if there is a wrong – reasons.

    Orgasms feel so incredibly good, the reward center of the brain gets a flood of dopamine, which activates it and rewards you. This area is also activated by addictive things — like chocolate, cocaine, caffeine, or nicotine, explains behavioral neuroscientist Barry Komisaruk, Ph.D., coauthor of The Orgasm Answer Guide.

    Sex is a very normal, natural thing. If we don’t use it, that energy manifests itself in other ways.

    But is it a problem, you know the pleasuring yourself? As long as he is taking care of Your needs…no it is not a problem. But…auto-eroticism…sex with oneself, although seems harmless enough, actually can cultivate a real and symbolic selfishness that can often work itself into an addiction.

    Back to the normalcy of things. The imbalance of libidos.

    The typical case is one is ready and willing, morning, night and in between. If the other isn’t, then you do.

    You can’t or shouldn’t force yourself on your wife or significant other (SO), nothing better than banging if your partner is into it as much as you are, because they want it also.

    So what is a guy to do? Your wife or SO is a wonderful lady. The only thing you would want more from her is more sex, but her drive is less than yours. Not as good as sex, you sleep well and so does she.

    It’s only a problem you or she make it a problem. If you are a woman reading this, I say to you love your man… If you don’t feel the desire for sex as much as he does, consider a compromise. Be involved in his sexual needs.

    As for a problem with you or him… neither. Men and women, husbands and wives have different needs. You help him with his, and chances are he will help your needs. Give him a reason to be with you instead of some porn star on the computer.

    If he pleases himself, before and even after sex with you, who cares as long as he’s available and has sex with you whenever you want. He is blessed with a healthy libido. Better that he pleasures himself the times that you’re not interested than having him nag you for sex.

    Bottom line: as long as masturbation is not at the expense of the other, as long as the self-pleasuring is in addition to having sex and not instead of having sex there is no need to worry.

    There is a problem if the self-pleasuring is an addiction, masturbating instead of having sex, that is avoiding sex to masturbate.

    If you are doing it often enough that it detracts from your sex life with your partner, in preference to sharing intimacy, that is, in fact, a problem.

    Neglecting your partner or avoiding having sex while pleasuring yourself often, that is a big problem.

    Pleasuring oneself fulfills a different need that a partner cannot and should not try and fulfill.

    Almost all men do this whether they’re married or not. Even happily married or not. Hell, a lot of women even do this.

    Then there is the question of how much is “a lot”? Once a day, several times a day. Unless it interferes with your sex life, the number or frequency is up to you.

    Do you masturbate?

    If not, you really ought to give it a try.

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